I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THIS SONG!!! THIS IS MY THEME SONG!! God has been so good to me, and has really helped me overcome my past so much in the past few months…I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME…I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING WITHIN…FINALLY I’M BREATHING AGAIN…I WON’T LET THIS CHANCE GO BY…WATCH ME WHILE I COME ALIVE…EVERY SECOND YOU AWAKEN MY SOUL…RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES…WATCH ME WHILE I COME ALIVE!!! Just listen to the words of this song. For me at lest, this song is very powerful, and I feel so empowered when I listen to it. I hope that you will feel the same way too.
Articles by Leah K.
Finally Arriving
I feel like I’m finally arriving at a healing point that I have only dreamed about until now. It’s an amazing feeling to be here, and I’ll do my best to try to describe and explain where I’m finally at in my healing journey. My God is such an awesome God, and I would not be where I’m at if it weren’t for God’s loving grace, and His delivering power.
The three support groups that I’m in now in conjunction with my faith have really done a lot to help me in the past several weeks. There is a truth that I have know about, but have never fully experienced until now. Logically I have known for quite some time that to fully heal that I would have to come to a place where I can experience my memories without them affecting me so much, and a place where my past does not rule over my present life. It has been 9 years since I have come out of denial about the sexual abuse, and even longer from the time the abuse started until now (about 13 years). Think about that…I have been in one way or another dealing with this for 13 years!! I can honestly say that I wish that it hadn’t taken 13 years to get to where I’m at today. My life has been marred by this sexual abuse for far too long. But long before the sexual abuse began there was also mental abuse, and my life has been marred by that for far too long also. I am reclaiming my life, and my past has no power and authority over me today. I claim that in the name of MY LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!
One of the turning points for me was a quote that I read in one of my group books, “If you are willing to have an emotion, feeling, thought, or memory instead of attempting to control it, then the agenda of control is undermined, and you are free from the inevitable by-products of this agenda” (Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life by: Steven C. Hayes, PH.D. with Spencer Smith, pg. 125). Wow! what a great truth that was for me. By trying to block my unpleasant memories and triggers I was giving control over to those unpleasant memories and triggers. I then became powerless over them, but that quote showed me how to take the control back. I can’t wish the past away, and I can’t erase it from my memory…it is what it is, and I have to just let it be. I have to understand AND be OK with the fact that these painful memories exist. I have to know that at times I’m going to have thoughts and memories (and even painful ones) about my past. And most importantly I have to be OK with all of that, and willing to experience them just as they are without trying to control it in any way. I have to take it in, and then let it out without dwelling on it and feeding the negative feelings that arise from it. What I am learning from the Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life book is how to experience my memories (to just let them be) without feeding the negative emotions that come with those memories. This is a place that I have always known that I needed to reach in order to be able to move on with my life, but I guess that I just wasn’t ready until now. I truly wish that it hadn’t taken me this long to get here. It’s a process that can’t be rushed, faked, or forced. It has to come from a heart that is willing to except the past for what it is, and be willing to move forward with it without trying to control those emotions, feelings, thoughts, or memories. You have to be willing to experience them for what they are and then to move forward instead of dwelling on it…you are the only one who can do this; no one can do it for you.
I have also had an awesome experience at the church that I got to. I won’t go into detail about it, but I will tell you about the insight that I have gained from it. This truly was a major turning point for me, and I felt so many burdens lifted from me that day. Sexual abuse is like a really bad family curse that can be passed down from generation to generation. I have spent so much time worrying if my children would at some point in their lives be affected by that curse I couldn’t see their future. How awful is that!!! I couldn’t tell what kind of future my children would have because I was so worried about them falling pray to this family curse!!! Again HOW AWFUL IS THAT!!! BUT! no more will I dwell on that. I feel as though that burden was lifted from me that day, and I can now see that my children have a bright future blessed from God!! That in itself is an amazing turn around to me. I feel free to truly focus on my children, and free to fully focus on becoming the mother to my children that I want to be. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m more determined than I’ve ever been. And that determination alone is going to help me more easily conquer the areas that I need to work on. Can you see how my past was poisoning my life? The constant worrying was like a poison affecting every aspect of my life…poisoning my relationships with my children and with my husband. But I say to my past, “You have no authority here! You have no authority over my life! You have no authority over me! You will no longer rule over me and my life! I am setting myself free from you!”.
So, this is where I am at today…living a life that is even MORE blessed of God than it was before! I give God all the glory for bringing me here to where I am at today. It is God who is helping me to purge the poison of my past out of my life today. It is God that has helped me get to a place where I can accept my memories without them ruling over me. To be able to accept there will be bumps in the road still, but that I can keep them from ruling over me. It is God who has placed the people in my life that have helped me so much, and it was God who lead me to the groups that I have been in. It has always been in God’s hands; who have lovingly guided me all these years to bring me through this, and He will always be there to guide me.
My Letter To Jordan Smith & The Austin Chronicle Regarding The Article "Sex Offenders Exposed"
I recently read an article “Sex Offenders Exposed” by Jordan Smith of the Austin Chronicle. This article really upset me. The article is about how some people want sex offenders to have a path for de-registration. Read it for yourself. Below is a copy of a two page letter that I wrote to Jordan and the Austin Chronicle showing them how their article “Sex Offenders Exposed” is completely one sided, and minimizes what a victim has gone through. I have also submitted a shorter 300 word letter to the editor; which was very difficult for me to do because these facts don’t fit into 300 words.
Dear Jordan Smith,
Your article on Sex Offenders comes across as completely one sided. Why is it that a person has to be considered to be sexually VIOLENT to be a threat, and the only ones that need to be kept track of? A person does NOT have to be sexually violent to pose a further threat to children, and society at large. While it is true that the more violent the crime the more likely the offender is to repeat it; not all repeat offenders are violent. “Nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had NEVER BEFORE been ARRESTED PRIOR to the CURRENT OFFENSE, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults” (www.yellodyno.com). The RIGHT OF A CHILD TO BE A CHILD is far more IMPORTANT than taking an offender’s word that he or she won’t do it again because far too many of them do, do it again. Why are there so many who are willing to gamble with the innocence of a child? Did you know that “3 in 10 victimizers reported that they had committed their crimes against MULTIPLE VICTIMS: they were MORE likely than those who victimized adults to HAVE HAD MULTIPLE VICTIMS” (www.yellodyno.com). The typical child molester has about 117 victims most of which DO NOT REPORT what happened (www.sexoffenderfinder.com). 1-10% of child molestations is never disclosed which makes it one of the most UNDERREPORTED crimes; much like rape (www.yellodyno.com). Dr. Ann Burgers and others in a study of imprisoned offenders found that their actions were “highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment”. In a National Crime Victimization Survey in 1996 it was found that less than 1 in every 3 rapes and sexual assaults was reported. Offenders who have child victims on average have shorter sentences than those who have adult victims (www.yellodyno.com).
Your argument that the sex offender registry is not effective because most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victim knows is laughable to me. While it is true that most sex offences occur at the hands of someone the victims knows; that offender was a stranger at some point in their lives. A family who is getting to know someone should have access to the registry to know if that person is a known threat or not. Of the child abuse sex offenders 60% are an acquaintance…that is someone the family doesn’t know that well (www.yellodyno.com). Why wouldn’t the registry provide useful information to families when they are making new friends, or to a single parent who is making new friends who will be around their children?
Senator John Whitmire’s words of, “we’re painting everybody with a broad brush” is no excuse for taking the measures that he and Texas Voices proposes. They cry and say that they are being painted with the broad brush of sex offender, but their solution is to use a broad brush to allow almost all sex offenders a way to get off the registry. I don’t know anyone who thinks that makes sense. If they truly want to help those who end up on this list who shouldn’t be there, then their efforts should be to have the laws clarified so that those who don’t belong on the list don’t end up on it. And not geared towards making a way for those who should be on the sex offender list a way to get off. The problems that they are talking about seem to be due to the wording of the laws, and not the registry itself. Also, the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006 sets limits to how long an offender has to register based on what tier they are in. Tier 1 sex offenders register for 15 years, Tier 2 for 25 years, and Tier 3 for life (www.ncsl.org). In addition the State can decide to shorten the registration length according to the Tier system for having a clean record for a certain amount of time, and for completing certain programs (www.ncsl.org). There were also many grants available for the States to help with the funding of the implementation of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006; most of which have expired, but they were there for the States to use. If the State wanted help with the funding then they shouldn’t have waited until the funding ended to try to implement this law. All of which you could have easily found out if you did any research into the Act, but judging from your article it doesn’t look like you did. Or you did, and the facts didn’t work with the one-sidedness of your story so you choose to leave it out.
Your article also talks about “risk-assessment tools” that are designed to determine the offender’s chances that he or she will reoffend. I am not against the use of such “tools”, but I feel as though those “tools” are not up-to-date as they should be. So while their “tools” tell them that my offender is at a “low” risk of reoffending I have to wonder what they are thinking. If he was only going to do it one time, why then did I go through a year and a half to two years of abuse? That is the actions of someone who is willing to repeat their disgusting actions over and over again. Do their “risk-assessment tools” take into account the maliciousness of his trickery, and how well he had planned his deception? I am only left to believe that their “risk-assessment tools” do not take those things and other things into account; because if they did then there would be no way that he would be listed as being at a “low” risk to reoffend.
Your article also talks about the unfortunate effects the registry has on the family members of those who are on the list. It is very unfortunate that the children who live with someone who is on the list are affected in such ways, and children should not have to bear the consequences of the actions of another person. This is again a spot where your article is once again one sided. There are real victims behind these sex offenders whose lives are forever changed. Who live with the shame of what has been done to them. What about the life sentence that a victim has. A victim/ survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault will never be able to apply to have that part of their life fixed. And the justice system only re-victimizes. As the victim & survivor of childhood sexual abuse the court system treated me more like I was the bad person, and pandered to just about every wish that my abuser had. As victims and survivors we are told to be silent and to not talk about what we have been through. Any form of abuse thrives and lives in the silence. It’s not right to ask a victim and a survivor to return to that silence because it’s inconvenient to others. Articles like yours say that the victims of these crimes aren’t important enough to make sure that fixes are done properly, and that what we have suffered is minimized; but it does say, “let’s just use that same broad brush that we’re complaining about to set almost all of the sex offenders free from the registry list”. Where would be the Justice in that? There wouldn’t be.
Regards,
Leah K.
Here are the websites that I got these statistics from:
1.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/rape_stats.html
2.) http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html
"let it out" Chris and Conrad
I just love this song right now!!! After we have suffered abuse a lot of us put on masks to hide what’s really going on with us. The parts of this song that I love the most are, “let it out, let it out, everything you’ve worked so hard to hide…let it out, let it out, leave it at the cross where Jesus died…take off your mask, find peace at last, cause he loves you more than you could ever know…let it out…admit how much you need healing, let him bring it all to you…trade it all for love and freedom…let the past go…it will never define you…let it out…”. What an amazing song to me. It’s so important to let it out because when we keep the abuse all pined up inside of us it just eats away at us. There is so much freedom to be found by bringing it to Jesus and giving it to him. I don’t try to pretend that this is an easy thing for everyone to do…there are times when I find that there are parts of my abuse that I haven’t fully give over to God, and I have to bring those things to the feet of Jesus and allow him to do a healing work within me. There are times when the hurt and pain rise up again within me, and I have to forgive all over again and learn to give it all back to Jesus once again. The abuse of my past WILL NOT define me.
Jonny Diaz – More Beautiful You w/lyrics
This is another fantastic song!!! What a great message this song has.