Revenge porn is a truly despicable act. I’ve had my own run in with it; except nearly nine years ago I didn’t know that it was called revenge porn or that it would start to show up as an emerging problem in today’s society.
After reading an article titled “Online porn hoaxes not just celebs’ problem; it can happen to you, too” I decided that I would share my story with all of you. Unlike the women interviewed in this article I was not targeted by some unknown low-life. About two and a half years after filing charges against my abuser, he accused me of being involved in porn.
This is my story:
I had just had my first child. She was barely three months old, and I came to the States from Germany, where my husband and I were stationed, for a visit. While I was State Side the District Attorney I had at the time had asked me to do a lie detector test hoping it would cause my abuser to agree to one as well. I had absolutely nothing to hide, so I had no reservations about taking the test. On the morning of the test I meet the DA there; while talking to him, he told me he wasn’t sure if he believed me. This didn’t bother me too much. I know how strange my case sounded. I also knew that all he had to do was talk with me and ask questions, and he would know I was telling the truth. After having all the District Attorneys up to this point seem to not want to touch my case with a ten foot pole having one actually talk to me and ask me questions was a relief.
After I had taken the lie detector test, while the test administrator was talking to me, he told me there was something the DA had wanted him to tell me. This is when the bomb shell was dropped on me. He told me, my abuser and his attorney had accused me of being involved with pornography. He told me there had been handed over pictures and videos to the District Attorney. I was in shock. I told him that I have never and will never be involved in porn.
I left and cried my eyes out. I was filled with disgust and shame. The shame I was feeling over my abuse had just doubled. I felt shame as a wife and mother. I felt humiliated as a person.
As part of my abuse, Jon, my abuser/step-dad, had told me I had been enrolled in a secret government program by my ex-step-mother. I am not ready to fully disclose all the details of what he said this program was about. I will disclose, however, that at times he would tell me that people were sent to watch. He once told me he had found pin-hole cameras all over the house. He showed me how he could wire one and then watch it from our TV in our living room. Since he always covered my face, I have no way of knowing if he actually had people over to watch or if he could have taped it somehow. So the thought of there being a possibility of there really being pictures or videos out there of my abuse is really hard to deal with.
A few years later, my husband and I were at the court house talking with the most recent District Attorney to deal with my case. Wanting to give us some peace of mind they offered to show us some of the pictures and one of the videos that had been given to them by Jon’s attorney. The pictures were of her face only. When I saw the pictures, I remember thinking she looked a lot like me. The video they showed us, showed her fully dressed, thank goodness, and from the short video clip it was more obvious that it wasn’t me. These pictures and videos weren’t from my abuse dressed up to look like porn as I had originally feared, but were pictures and videos of someone whom they were claiming was me. It was nice to be able to see once and for all that it wasn’t me in those pictures and videos.
Accusing me of being involved in porn was a lower than low, slime ball attempt to intimidate me into backing off of the charges against my step-dad by trying to drag my character and good name through the mud, and by intimidation through humiliation. It didn’t work. I stayed the course and followed through with court. Today, even with knowing the images were not me this is still a hard topic for me. Part of me still feels humiliated knowing that I was once accused of being involved in pornography.
According to the article:
Anti-revenge porn advocate Dr. Charlotte Laws offers these tips for how women can protect themselves.
1. Keep copies of all photos of yourself. Should a photoshopped picture emerge, you will be in a better position if you have a copy of the headshot that was used in the “fake nude.” Not only can you prove to your boss, parents and others that the headshot was manipulated, you can legally demand that websites remove her image because you own the copyright of the face.
2. You should ask family and friends (who may have taken the photos) to turn over copyright ownership of your image. Again in the absence of criminal laws protecting victims from morphed porn and revenge porn, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act is the best tool for getting compromising images removed from the Internet. If a woman owns the image or part of a “compiled image,” she can send takedown notices to hosting companies, websites and search engines. The reputable sites will comply with her request. If they don’t, she can file a lawsuit and win up to $250,000 per image.
3. You should put a Google alert on your name and keep copies of all online evidence of the morphed porn. This includes screen shots, names, comments, links and dates. Preserving evidence is important for law enforcement should it turn into a criminal investigation. This evidence could also be used in a civil proceeding.
After reading the article I realized what Jon had done was a form of revenge porn. It may not have been at the level a lot of women are experiencing today, but the resulting shame and humiliation is the same. Do your best to take steps to protect yourself against this.
Revenge Porn: sexually explicit media shared without the person’s consent. Sometimes the images are taken by the victim and used by their ex as a way to shame and humiliate them, often giving away the victim’s personal information. It also occurs when an image of a person is photoshopped into sexually explicit media and shared online, again often with the victims personal information. Images may also be stolen and/or photoshopped by someone unknown to the victim and used. In some cases personal information is attached to sexually explicit media but the person shown is not the person whom the perpetrator claims it is.
No Comments